On November 8th it will be a year ago that my wife passed away. In that context, it is appropriate to reflect on how consolation can be a form of meaning.
Sooner or later we all want to be comforted. Whether we are confronted with a relationship break-up, illness, or death, we hope that there will be someone who will reach out to us, offer a listening ear, or who will simply be there for us.
In addition to seeking consolation, people are also consolation providers. This reciprocity is a characteristic of this form of meaning that should not be underestimated. And although it seems obvious that consolation requires humanity, consolation does not only exist among people.
Monkeys, dolphins, and elephants are also able to offer and receive consolation. consolation has even been observed among octopuses and some birds.to
As early as 2500 years ago, the sophist Antiphon (c. last two decades of the 5th century BC) set up a stall on the market square in Athens where he offered consolation to relatives for a fee.
Commercial consolation, which also exists today, was a nightmare for Socrates and Plato (c. 427 – 348 BC), who condemned the sophists on this point in the strongest terms. According to Plato, people could only be comforted by the realization of the immortality of the soul.
Plato's pupil Aristotle (384–322 BC) was of a different opinion: he did not focus on the immortality of the soul for finding consolation but stated in his work "Nicomachean Ethics" that consolation is part of friendship.
The pain of suffering diminishes when a friend or loved one supports us. For Aristotle, offering consolation is a human duty that is one of the human virtues.
We see something similar in the Chinese philosopher Confucius ( c. 551 – c. 479 BC): he states that consolation is found in a virtuous life to which humanity and justice belong. In Confucius too, offering consolation is a moral duty.
These ideas about consolation sound noble but remain rather abstract. This is different for the Stoic philosophers, such as Epictetus (50-ca. 130 AD) and Marcus Aurelius (121-180 AD).
They provide a concrete guideline for finding solace in adversity that could be included in a modern self-help book. The Stoic view can be expressed as follows:
(1) in adversity, accept what cannot be changed, (2) adjust your expectations and goals, and (3) focus on the forms of meaning that are still feasible. This prescription is crystal clear and will certainly be useful in several cases.
But is this guideline also useful in the case of physical suffering? Imagine someone who suffers a spinal cord injury as a result of a traffic accident and is almost completely paralyzed?
I personally taught graphic design to someone in such a condition for more than three years. He could only move his head a little, but enough to operate a computer with technical aids. That he could do this was a real consolation to him and gave his life meaning.
Many people find consolation in a religion or a philosophy of life. According to the Christian religion, consolation can be found in the prospect of eternal life in the hereafter and the hope of salvation. The belief that God is always present and cares for everyone who calls on Him also offers consolation.
In Buddhism, consolation is found in the belief that suffering is an integral part of human existence. Buddhists argue that reducing desire, "learning to let go", and accepting reality can lead to inner peace and consolation.
The belief in reincarnation, which exists in many places in the world, can also be a comforting thought. But what do these beliefs mean in times of great suffering? How can someone be comforted in something as terrible as the death of a life partner?
At least in the Western world, religion and faith are no longer always meaningful due to increasing secularization. The secular forms of consolation are now called psychotherapy, victim support, silent marches, memorial sites,
or as in my case the publication of two poetry collections. Part two will be delivered next Wednesday, November 6. I find it exciting.
The creepiest commercialization of consolation is perhaps the "reborn doll". That is a hyperrealistic doll, a replica of your deceased baby or child. https://www.reborns.com
The most recent development is the use of chatbots to offer consolation. These apps give a survivor the impression that he is communicating with his deceased child or partner.
As far as I am concerned, creepy developments like that may complicate rather than facilitate the process of processing the loss. It is better to seek support and consolation from PEOPLE with similar experiences.
When people both seek and offer consolation, a reciprocal form of meaning-giving is created that is indispensable for many.
Thank you for your attention again....
Main Sources:
MacMillan The Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2nd edition
TABLE OF CONTENT -----------------------------------------------------------------
1 - 100 Philosophers 9 May 2009 Start of
2 - 25+ Women Philosophers 10 May 2009 this blog
3 - 25 Adventures in Thinking 10 May 2009
4 - Modern Theories of Ethics 29 Oct 2009
5 - The Ideal State 24 Febr 2010 / 234
6 - The Mystery of the Brain 3 Sept 2010 / 266
7 - The Utopia of the Free Market 16 Febr 2012 / 383
8. - The Aftermath of Neo-liberalism 5 Sept 2012 / 413
9. - The Art Not to Be an Egoist 6 Nov 2012 / 426
10 - Non-Western Philosophy 29 May 2013 / 477
11 - Why Science is Right 2 Sept 2014 / 534
12 - A Philosopher looks at Atheism 1 Jan 2015 / 557
13 - EVIL, a philosophical investigation 17 Apr 2015 / 580
14 - Existentialism and Free Will 2 Sept 2015 / 586
15 - Spinoza 2 Sept 2016 / 615
16 - The Meaning of Life 13 Febr 2017 / 637
17 - In Search of my Self 6 Sept 2017 / 670
18 - The 20th Century Revisited 3 Apr 2018 / 706
19 - The Pessimist 11 Jan 2020 / 819
20 - The Optimist 9 Febr 2020 / 824
21 - Awakening from a Neoliberal Dream 8 Oct 2020 / 872
22 - A World Full of Patterns 1 Apr 2021 / 912
23 - The Concept of Freedom 8 Jan 2022 / 965
24 - Materialism 7 Sept 2022 / 1011
25 - Historical Materialism 5 Oct 2023 / 1088
26 - The Bonobo and the Atheist 9 Jan 2024 / 1102
27 - Artificial Intelligence 9 Feb 2024 / 1108
28 - Why Am I Here 6 Sept 2024 / 1139
[13:20] herman Bergson: oops...all fell asleep :-)
[13:21] herman Bergson: I need some consolation now.....
[13:21] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): (gives Herman a hug)
[13:21] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): im still here
[13:21] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): ㋡
[13:21] herman Bergson: Thank you Bejiita :-)
[13:22] Max Chatnoir: We're all just very moved, Herman
[13:22] herman Bergson: You are?
[13:22] Max Chatnoir: This must be a hard time for you.
[13:23] herman Bergson: I went to Haarlem today. For the first time without my wife.....it was difficult
[13:23] herman Bergson: But I did some fun shopping yet :-)
[13:23] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): aaaaaah
[13:23] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): ok
[13:24] Max Chatnoir: Did you get a new cello?
[13:24] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): how did it feel among all those people?
[13:24] herman Bergson: Sad....
[13:24] herman Bergson: and alone...
[13:24] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): yes
[13:25] herman Bergson: But yet I enjoyed my walk through downtown
[13:25] herman Bergson: Haarlem is beautiful
[13:25] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): didn't you think, how can those people laugh on this day?
[13:25] herman Bergson: no...
[13:26] herman Bergson: I felt sad but OK
[13:26] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): ok
[13:26] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): ah
[13:26] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): oki
[13:26] Sookie Hart (sookicatalina): I tend to think of consolation as the idea that everything will be okay. If one is able to truly accept their reality as it is, then they really can believe that everything is okay just as it is...theoretically. Probably very hard or near impossible to do in practice. Or at least it probably takes a long while to get to that point.
[13:27] Max Chatnoir: It can be good to see that happiness is still possible.
[13:27] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): yes
[13:27] herman Bergson: I think it is not so theoretical, Sooki.
[13:28] herman Bergson: It is a process and takes time, yes... but as the Stoic rule said: accept what not can be changed
[13:28] Max Chatnoir: Bergie!
[13:28] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): hallo Bergie
[13:28] bergfrau Apfelbaum: halliehellos :-)
[13:29] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): hi Bergie
[13:29] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): ㋡
[13:29] herman Bergson: Helllo Bergie :-)
[13:29] Sookie Hart (sookicatalina): Yes, it seems that is the crux of it all, acceptance of what you cannot control or change.
[13:30] herman Bergson: yes... don't fight it....accept it, be realistic
[13:30] Max Chatnoir: Would you really want not to be unhappy after such a loss/
[13:30] Max Chatnoir: ?
[13:30] bergfrau Apfelbaum: we rang the doorbells with the grandchildren.... and it was cold
[13:30] herman Bergson: It will never be the same, Max, and neither will be happiness
[13:32] herman Bergson: But I think there still is some happiness left...I have the daughters that keep en eye on me, for instance...grandchildren that love me :-)
[13:32] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): ㋡
[13:32] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): aa
[13:32] herman Bergson: That is a kind of consolation....
[13:32] bergfrau Apfelbaum: yay
[13:32] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): yes
[13:32] Max Chatnoir: And you can still love them.
[13:32] herman Bergson: yes
[13:34] herman Bergson: You you all are still herre :-)
[13:34] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): yes
[13:34] herman Bergson: If there is one thing that gives meaning to my life, then it is teaching about (my) ideas
[13:35] Max Chatnoir: And that brings meaning to our lives, too.
[13:35] herman Bergson: yes, it works two ways...
[13:37] herman Bergson: So, as you see, there are still a lot of ways to give meaning to your life.
[13:37] herman Bergson: You don't need religious beliefs for that
[13:37] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): true
[13:37] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): just nice people around u
[13:38] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): at least that's important
[13:38] herman Bergson: When yo ulook around you see so many reasons why life is worth living
[13:38] Max Chatnoir: No, you don't, although some people can find meaning there.
[13:38] Max Chatnoir: in religious belief.
[13:38] herman Bergson: yes, Max
[13:39] herman Bergson: I am fine with that. Problems arise only when people begin to claim all kinds of things based on their beliefs..whether they are religious or political...makes no difference...
[13:40] herman Bergson: As soon as they think their beliefs are the TRUTH...then we are in trouble
[13:40] herman Bergson: Look at present geo=politics
[13:41] herman Bergson: China is increasingly thinking that their way of life is better than Western way of life and democracy
[13:41] herman Bergson: Putin believes the same....
[13:41] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): (shudders)
[13:41] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): well i want to be free, not a prisoner of dictatorship
[13:42] herman Bergson: And they both applaud what is happening in the US nowadays
[13:42] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): for Xi and P maybe, not for their people
[13:42] herman Bergson: Yes Beertje.... that is always the question....
[13:42] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): indeed its just them cause they are free, the people are more or less prisoners in their own country and in North Korea its even worse
[13:42] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): and T is copiing
[13:43] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): yes
[13:43] herman Bergson: But if you look at the 50-50% divide in the US, then, WHO is THE poeple?
[13:43] Max Chatnoir: Hard to think that democracy may come to an end in a week.
[13:43] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): power hungry bastards
[13:43] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): (shudders again)
[13:43] herman Bergson: Indeed Max, it is a slow process....
[13:44] herman Bergson: But in Germany, it took from 1933 till 1936 to make it happen
[13:45] herman Bergson: And here in the Netherlands there also is a slow process going on....
[13:45] Max Chatnoir: If the worst happens, I'm hoping the next midterms will help correct it.
[13:45] herman Bergson: Ahh yes, mid term elections.....interessting
[13:47] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): what are mid-term elections?
[13:47] herman Bergson: It all is because of a growing attitude of intolerance....
[13:47] herman Bergson: after two years in a presidency there are elections for House and Senate in the US
[13:48] Max Chatnoir: Some congressional terms will end in two years.
[13:48] herman Bergson: When Democrats win the majority in both houses a rep president is a duck in the White House
[13:48] herman Bergson: and mee too :-))
[13:48] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): oh he fainted
[13:49] Max Chatnoir: Herman!
[13:49] herman Bergson: still breathing
[13:49] herman Bergson: is like when I say run
[13:49] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): we can't use some words here, duck and run
[13:49] herman Bergson: and there she goes :-)
[13:49] bergfrau Apfelbaum: lol
[13:50] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): hmm
[13:50] herman Bergson: ok...keep in mind...next week no lectures.....
[13:51] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): ah
[13:51] herman Bergson: Too many exciting things to happen
[13:51] Max Chatnoir: Get our clocks lined up!
[13:51] herman Bergson: Especially THAT, Max :-)
[13:51] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): ㋡
[13:51] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): yes
[13:52] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): did you buy that special peint in Haarlem?
[13:52] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): paint
[13:52] herman Bergson: the oil paint you mean Beertje?
[13:52] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): yes
[13:52] herman Bergson: Yes I did
[13:52] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): i thought so:))
[13:53] Max Chatnoir: So you got yourself a treat!
[13:53] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): ㋡
[13:53] herman Bergson: Well, thank you all again...and good luck the coming week.....
[13:53] herman Bergson: Yes Max, but now I have to start painting again.....
[13:53] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): wow
[13:53] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): good
[13:54] Max Chatnoir: That sounds pretty exciting, Herman.
[13:54] herman Bergson: I need a week's vacation indeed :-)
[13:54] .: Beertje :. (beertje.beaumont): :))
[13:54] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): ㋡
[13:54] herman Bergson: Class dismissed.....
[13:54] Particle Physicist Bejiita (bejiita.imako): aaa nice
[13:54] bergfrau Apfelbaum: which oil painting?
